


The Heart Remembers

by tlakht



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, M/M, Misunderstandings, Spells & Enchantments, Temporary Amnesia, True Love's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 11:46:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21445699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tlakht/pseuds/tlakht
Summary: Written a while ago for a tumblr trope prompt (fake relationship + amnesia).Castiel wakes up at a hospital with no memory of who he is. He can't remember the man the nurse calls his husband either, but he can sense the bond that's between them.Occupied with taking in all the information he can glean about his life, Cas neglects to mention his memory loss to anyone, which leads to certain misunderstandings.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 29
Kudos: 370





	The Heart Remembers

Upon waking up, there’s light. Bright light, white walls, and people close by. Two of them: a man and a woman. The woman is wearing scrubs – a nurse? – and the man a brown, worn leather jacket. He’s sitting in a chair next to the bed, eyes closed and head bent over clasped hands, elbows resting on the mattress. Praying, perhaps, or just lost in the worry that his knitted brows speak of.

“Mr. Winchester?” the nurse says, and the man in the leather jacket looks up at her, but it wasn’t him she was talking to. “Castiel?” she adds. The way she makes eye contact and comes closer makes it very clear who she’s addressing.

Castiel. Castiel Winchester. The name feels familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. It evokes no actual memories, but there’s no name that offers itself up in its stead, so there’s no reason to doubt that this is who he is. Castiel Winchester. 

“Yes,” he says.

The man in the leather jacket stands up from his chair, eyes wide and worried. “Cas,” he says urgently, a hand reaching out, landing warmly on a cheek. Cas. This shortened version of the name feels right – as right as the touch of that hand, thumb stroking Cas’s skin. “Cas, hey.”

The nurse looks at a screen next to Cas’s bed, and then at him. “I’m glad you’re with us. Your husband has been worried sick.”

Husband. The word fills Cas with warmth, and he covers his husband’s hand with one of his own. The man’s name eludes Cas – as does any memory of him apart from a sense of familiarity, of a bond between them. “I’m fine,” Cas tells him, and watches as some of the worry in green eyes fades away. It’s not a lie. Cas feels good, having his husband here in the room with him. He may not be able to remember the other man, but he only has to look at him, and he feels it clearly, strongly: the love that’s between them.

“You’ve been in a coma for two days,” the nurse says, “but we don’t know why. You have no physical injuries. Do you remember what happened before you lost consciousness?”

Cas shakes his head. He remembers nothing at all.

The nurse gives a short nod. “I’ll go and get a doctor. You’ll need to be examined now that you’re awake.”

When she leaves, Castiel expects that they’ll wait for the doctor to arrive; instead, his husband asks if he’s okay to stand, okay to walk. Puts a tan trench coat over Cas’s hospital gown and tells him they need to leave. Cas trusts him, and together they walk out of the room, an arm slung around Cas’s waist supporting him even though it’s not really needed.

“Sam,” Cas’s husband says to a tall man waiting outside, and Cas makes a note of the man’s name. “We’re going home.”

The man’s eyes widen when he sees them, and he stands up. “Cas. You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay.”

It’s not until they’re in the car that Cas learns his husband’s name, when Sam says it: Dean. Cas likes the name; likes having something to call him in his mind now. “Dean,” he says, trying out how the name feels on his tongue.

“Hm?”

Cas smiles. “It was nothing.”

***

Their home is big. They live there, all three of them, and Cas briefly considers the possibility that Sam might be a third romantic partner in their relationship, but that doesn’t feel right; he doesn’t feel the same way when he looks at Sam as when he looks at Dean. He’d rather not ask, but every interaction he observes between the two seems to indicate that he’s right.

He knows he’s right when Sam suggests that Dean get Cas to bed and goes off to sleep in his own bedroom.

It hasn’t been long since Cas woke up at the hospital, but it’s late and he’s yawning and tired again, and he appreciates his husband’s help – although Dean is really hovering more than helping, but his presence is really all Cas needs.

“You gonna be able to sleep?” Dean asks once Cas is slipping under the covers of their bed, wearing only a pair of boxers Dean found for him while he showered earlier.

Cas remembers the comfort of Dean’s hand against his cheek at the hospital. He can’t wait to have more of that; to embrace his husband the way he’s been longing to do, despite not really remembering him. “I will if you come to bed with me.”

Dean blinks. Freezes. Sucks in a deep breath and licks his lips.

Cas wishes he could remember how to read his husband. “Or are you not tired yet?”

“I, uh.” Dean scratches his neck. “Just give me a few minutes to brush my teeth and… stuff.”

“Okay.” Cas smiles at him. “I’ll wait.”

***

Cas wakes up, feeling like someone is watching him, and he looks up to see Dean in the doorway, holding a pillow that must clearly have been somewhere else than in their bed.

“Hey, um. You’d fallen asleep; I wasn’t sure if–”

Cas lifts up the blankets in invitation, and Dean stops talking. He just stands there for a moment, looking, and then he seems to shake himself and walks toward the bed, hugging the pillow in front of him.

“Hey,” he says softly when he sits down on the edge of the bed.

Cas takes the pillow from him and places it next to his own before he takes Dean’s hand and pulls gently. “Hello, Dean,” he says with a smile, and that seems to be what it takes for Dean to relax and let Cas pull him as close as he’d like – which is to say, until they’re pressed against each other in an embrace.

Dean is still wearing his t-shirt; Cas find the lack of skin-to-skin contact disappointing, and he picks at the hem, lifting it away from Dean’s skin. “Could you take this off?”

There’s an intake of breath that Cas feels more than he hears it. “Cas, I don’t know if we should…”

Cas understand Dean’s hesitation, after his coma. “I’m not asking for sex,” he says. Then he adds, “Not tonight,” because he is looking forward to getting to know Dean’s body again – some other day. Soon. “I just want to feel the warmth of my husband’s body against me.”

Dean goes very, very still in Cas’s arms. Then he chuckles awkwardly. “Ha. Good one, Cas.”

Cas frowns; he doesn’t see what’s funny about it. “I don’t understand.”

Dean pulls away, an uncertain expression on his face. “Wait, you do know that… that we…” He shakes his head and tries again. “What do you know about our relationship, Cas?”

“Very little,” Cas admits with regret; he wishes he could remember their life together, but since he can’t, he’ll have to make do with creating new memories. “I don’t remember anything from before today. But I can feel the love we have for each other,” he hastens to reassure Dean. “It seems my heart remembers you, even while my brain doesn’t.”

Dean squeezes his eyes tightly shut. “Shit.”

“I’m sorry.” Cas knows it’s not exactly his fault, but it still hurts to know he’s causing Dean pain.

“But you remember my name. And Sam’s.” The way Dean says it, is almost like a plea.

Cas shakes his head. He wishes he could offer Dean something; some memory of their life before. “I heard you say each other’s names. I didn’t even remember my own until the nurse said it – Castiel Winchester.”

The more Cas speaks, the more Dean seems to be drawing away from him, increasing the distance between them. It hurts, and Cas reaches out to touch his arm in an attempt to keep him from withdrawing further. Thankfully, Dean doesn’t pull away from his touch, although he does stare at Cas’s hand dolefully. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Cas shrugs. He should have realised he ought to have said something. “I suppose it didn’t occur to me how important the past is to you. To me, there is no past. This is all there is – right here and now. I was just happy to be with you in the present.” It’s not a good excuse, but it’s the only one Cas has. “I’m sorry,” he repeats, feeling small.

Dean seems to take pity on him; he reaches toward Cas’s face, as if he wants to cup his cheek again, but something’s stopping him. “Don’t be,” he says, hand hovering indecisively between them. “It’s not your fault your head’s been messed with.”

“I’m still sorry.” Cas catches Dean’s hand with his own. He pulls it closer and places a kiss in the middle of Dean’s palm. “I wish I could remember our marriage.”

Dean’s eyes shutter even as his fingers stray to caress Cas’s cheek, so gently Cas can’t be sure Dean’s doing it on purpose. He pulls them away after a moment. “I need to go talk to Sam. I’ll try to be quick, okay?”

“Okay.” Cas nods, watching Dean go. Somehow, he feels lost the moment Dean is out of the room and he’s left all alone. He should have realised sooner what a disappointment this would be to Dean: that Cas doesn’t remember him, doesn’t remember the life they’ve had together. Doesn’t remember the first time they held hands, their first kiss, the first time they gave their bodies to each other. Their wedding.

Up until now, everything he’s learned after waking up has felt like he’s gained something: a name, a husband, a home. Now he realises that isn’t true. Instead, he’s lost the life he used to have – a life he hopes he can rebuild with Dean.

Cas twists the blankets with restless hands while he waits. As minutes pass, his thoughts become more oppressive, and finally the longing for Dean brings him to his feet and out of the room. He hears voices that he follows until he finds the two men. Sam is talking to someone on the phone, and Dean is pacing the floor.

Cas’s arrival brings Dean to a stop, and he meets Cas’s eyes with a worried look. “We’re trying to fix it,” he says. “We’re trying to fix you.”

Cas hears Sam recite something in Latin to whoever it is he’s speaking to. 

“How?”

Dean scratches the back of his neck. “This is going to sound crazy. But, uh. Basically, magic is real. Your memory loss was caused by a spell, and Sam’s talking to a friend of ours who might be able to help us reverse it.” Cas must take too long to answer, because Dean finally says, “Told you it would sound crazy.”

But the thing is, it doesn’t, somehow. It doesn’t feel any less natural than Dean being his husband. “No.” Cas shakes his head and reaches for Dean’s hand. Dean stiffens, but allows Cas to take it and lace their fingers together. “I would never dismiss anything that might help me remember our life together.”

“Listen, Cas –” Dean says in a pained voice, but he’s interrupted by Sam, who’s finished talking on the phone.

“Guys, Rowena says there’s a way to reverse the spell.”

“And? What is it?” Dean asks.

“It’s, uh.” Sam eyes their interwoven fingers. “True love’s kiss.”

Relief washes over Cas; there couldn’t be an easier way to restore his memories than this. Just one quick kiss, and he’ll be able to remember it all again. Remember _Dean_ again. “That’s perfect.”

“Cas…” Again, Dean’s voice is pained, and he has a regretful look in his eyes. “I’m really sorry, but…” He squeezes Cas’s hand. “This isn't… Cas, we’re not really married. I just had to pretend at the hospital so they’d let me stay with you.”

It can’t be. Castiel knows how he feels, knows there’s an unbreakable bond between them. If they’re not married, then there still has to be _something_ there.

“You came to bed with me,” he remembers. That’s significant; it has to be. Sam thinks so too, if the way he lifts his eyebrows in surprise is any indication. “Before you knew about my memory loss,“ Cas continues. “I didn’t know it then, but I was asking you to share my bed for the first time. And you wanted to.”

“Yeah, well.” Dean’s face reddens, and he casts a glance at Sam, who is already in the process of quietly leaving the room. “You thought we were married. If it weren’t for your memory loss, you wouldn’t – if you were yourself, you’d never have wanted –”

Cas is confident Dean is wrong, but he doesn’t want to spend time arguing; if he’s right about this, there’s another, quicker way to convince Dean of his true feelings.

He surges forward and captures Dean’s lips.

A startled sound escapes Dean, and he freezes for a moment, but he doesn’t resist when Cas’s lips move gently against his. Doesn’t resist when his own gasp lets Cas turn their kisses into open-mouthed ones; doesn’t resist the soft flicks of Cas’s tongue – in fact, he meets them with his own.

When Cas pulls away, Dean’s eyes are closed. He looks dazed, and it’s only after a few slow blinks that he appears to remember what they were trying to achieve. He clears his throat and looks nervous – or hopeful, maybe. Probably both. “So, did you… you know, did it work?”

“You mean, was that a true love’s kiss?” Cas doesn’t want to keep Dean waiting for the answer longer than necessary, but he can’t help but take a moment to memorise the way Dean looks right now. His heart swells at the naked emotion on Dean’s face, a testament to just how much the answer matters to him. How much Cas means to him.

“I’ve fallen for you, Dean,” Cas says, and he smiles. “In every possible way.” He watches Dean exhale a shaky breath of relief.

“You remember who you are.“ 

"I do.” He squeezes Dean’s hand. “And it would make me very happy if you would share my bed and my life, tonight and every night for as long as we live.”

“_My_ bed,” Dean argues, but his tone is soft, warm. “But… yeah. I’d like that.” His expression shifts, and then he adds, “Wait, did you just angel-marry us?”

Amusement tugs at the corners of Cas’s mouth. “I’m not an angel anymore, but a wedding can be arranged if you’d like. I rather enjoyed believing you were my husband.”

Dean chuckles and shakes his head. “You absolute lunatic, Cas, asking me to marry you minutes after our first kiss.”

“Is that a no?”

Cas’s words cause Dean to suck in a slow breath and meet his eyes again, more serious now that he’s realised Cas wasn’t exactly joking. Slowly, his eyes become alight with a quiet kind of wonder. “I didn’t say that.”

It’s not an outright yes, and it wasn’t an outright proposal, but Cas has no doubt, as Dean kisses him once more and pulls him to his bedroom, that sometime in the future he’ll get to call Dean his husband. Again.


End file.
